Start Anew

Yes, I am starting anew. I have been absent for approximately half a year and now I am starting anew. There is a major change of vision for my blog (will tell later), but anyway I am going to just start writing again -my long forgotten love. Writing is never an easy thing. Writing, considered as a form of art, requires emotion and a great deal of thinking. I have a problem with both, apparently.

My cancer constellation says that I am moody and sensitive. I have difficulties in keeping a routine and prioritising my assignments. In short, my mom would say, "Hey artist, drag yourself outta bed, start eating breakfast at 8 and not 11, and write something!" or "What's wrong with you? A second ago you were jumping all around like chimps and now you're as dead as a stone." Yeah my mom. The person who gives so much encouragement to my writing development and yet pretty much annoyed with the process.

The ability to think has been given to men by God, differing men from other species on planet Earth, and enabling them to develop themselves and carry out the duty of taking a good care of the mother Earth. A man without thoughts is no man at all. My problem is, I think too much. About the "wrong" stuffs. Focused thinking has been my long-standing problem. My mind is an eager traveller and it overtakes me. So writing a blog is difficult for me, because it requires you to sit down and think of what you are going to write, and to keep yourself focused (my attention span is awful; you can ask my teachers).

However despite all things, even with the mind of an eager traveller, I am ready to start anew, and to call myself a(n) (amateur) writer! Godspeed!

Love,

The eager writer

Dunia ini

Aku bahagia, telah terlahir di dunia ini
Beralaskan tanah, beratapkan bayang dedaunan serta bermanjakan belai padi

Aku bahagia, telah terlahir di dunia ini

Bermandikan hujan emosi, harapan dan cita-cita 

Aku bahagia, telah terlahir di dunia ini
Berlari mencari mata air, mengejar mimpi dan cinta

Namun aku tak pernah tahu
Bahwa tanah yang kupijak
Hujan impian yang membasahiku
Dan mata air yang kucari
Telah direnggut

Oleh mereka
Yang haus akan tanah, hujan, dan mata airku

Mereka
Yang merobek tanah, meracuni hujan, dan mengotori mata airku
Mereka
Yang menebarkan rajutan kapas berseri, serta pestisida bermerk
Mereka
Yang dahulu
Terlahir sama sepertiku
Akankah aku bahagia, terlahir esok hari di dunia ini?

(Puisi ini ditulis sebagai kritik terhadap para koruptor yang baru-baru ini 'marak' menghiasi layar kaca dan media cetak. 'Mereka' yang terus menerus membuat proyek dan menambah properti yang merusak lingkungan; 'Mereka' yang dengan sesuka hati menyirami diri dengan kemewahan dari uang kotor; 'Mereka' yang mendegradasikan fasilitas yang harusnya sepadan dengan pajak yang dibayarkan rakyat; 'Mereka' yang mencuri hak rakyat untuk mendapatkan pendidikan dan masa depan yang lebih baik. Bisa jadi novel berseri jika masalah korupsi ini didongengkan. Singkatnya, memang sudah tidak jelas sistem pemerintahan, advokasi, dan demokrasi di negeri ini.)

You and I are

Spotlight of the show
But chose the shadow
Glancing down to see
Thinking there'd be

A handful of dust
Among the velvet
Or faint fissures
Among the rubies

Nay
They say
"Gee, stunning!"
"Let's go dancing!"

One, two, three, four
Four counts to devour
The last moments
Of laments

Splitting the teens
Stumbling on the heels
Notes stop flying
Dead cables, lying

Raising fingers
Catching the last note that lingers
And singing to
the first vibrato

To dance under the rain

To dance under the rain
the rain of sorrow pain
dying in Vain
vain of an abyss
abyss that clashes
clashes to ashes
from ashes to rise
rise from lies
lies that dies
dies for a space
a space of hope
hope for sight
sight of glance
glance of a dance


(posted by my friend, Oscar Karwur as a response  to the previously posted "Autumn Leaves")

An Auld Lang Syne to Cherish

Continuities

by Walt Whitman
(1819-1892)

---

Nothing is ever really lost, or can be lost,
No birth, identity, form--no object of the world.
Nor life, nor force, nor any visible thing;
Appearance must not foil, nor shifted sphere confuse thy brain.
Ample are time and space--ample the fields of Nature.
The body, sluggish, aged, cold--the embers left from earlier fires,
The light in the eye grown dim, shall duly flame again;
The sun now low in the west rises for mornings and for noons continual;
To frozen clods ever the spring's invisible law returns,
With grass and flowers and summer fruits and corn.

This poem I first encountered in the movie "The Notebook" is indeed a life's representation of continuous hope and faith that all things will always come out good in God's time. When you feel lost; when you feel that you are just an object of disposal; or when you feel that you do not know who you really are in the midst of artificial society, you should not let anxiety overcome you. It is easy to be overwhelmed by your own fear and doubts. However, one thing that can help you find a turning point is hope.

Hope is what keeps human alive and "flame again". Hope is what motivates us to wake up every morning, knowing that the darkness enveloping us will be torn down and give rise to the sun. Hope motivates us to work things out in ways possible for us to do. Hopes without action is naught; it is a fresh seed left burnt and dead under the sun.

After hope comes faith. When you have hoped and done whatever is best for your hope to come true, faith comes in the form of believing and surrendering to God that all you have done will bear good fruits. To every "frozen clod" there will always be the return of spring's abundance and summer joy. To every obstacle there will always be enlightenment and at the end, an auld lang syne to cherish.

Life is a cycle of continuous hope and faith, and nothing is ever lost in that cycle. What you think is lost actually metamorphoses to a new thing through awakening life experiences. People say they loose money; they seldom appreciate the notion that by loosing money, they learn to be more careful. People say they loose their loved ones; it is just physical and nothing from their lovely memories will ever be lost. Maybe by loosing their loved ones, they acquire the enlightenment to make an effort to cherish the next in line. So many losts in fact give way to a better understanding of and better things to your life and others that intersect your path.

So never let yourself down in what seems to be a "shifted sphere", "dimming light", or "frozen clods" for shifted sphere will give rise to new lives, dimming light is just momentary, and that frozen clods will always melt and be green again.

Bright Saturday!

Today is an exceptionally bright Saturday for me. Up at 9.30 a.m. I feel so extraordinarily refreshed after a few days lack of sleep and overworked brain (I put all the blame on Freud!). I still have a few hours before 1 p.m., the designated time for my friends and I to meet up and go to Jogja to watch a concert, so I give myself a long, refreshing bath. After thinking for a few seconds what I'm gonna cook for today, I checked out my best friend's blog and saw her write about an awakening moment -and I do feel inspired at once.

(Check this out: Patricia Sugianto's blog)

This particular thing that she said, "The awakening moment begins when you start doing something different," is something that I realize I have been striving for these past few months. One of the most obvious is -see the word cook in bold in the last sentence above? That's it! Me, cooking? Yes, me, cooking. That is one different thing that has awed anyone who really knows me. By the way, I'm cooking fettucine carbonara and I will post the picture below for you to give you an idea on how much I love this new activity :D

Doing something different uplifts my spirit and I feel good, knowing that I am making a good change in my life. It also gives me a positive atmosphere because I get rid of my boring routine and stagnancy in my other aspects of life.

However, there is one thing that Patty said that got me into thinking, "Your tiny little details in life could bring to a journey that change other’s life."

I have succeeded in directing my life from a hazy road into a clear path through positive changes. So I am hoping I can make a contribution in someone's life that can help him/her get through their stagnancy or struggles. I have already had some close people in mind, and I know I have greatly contributed to the life of the people I love.

So one thing left to do is to stay committed to doing the best things for our life, while at the same time, spreading joyful positive ions that demolish people's negative ions and brighten both of our days!

Thanks my sist, Patty!

How do I love thee?

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of being and ideal grace.
I love thee to the level of every day's
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for right.
I love thee purely, as they turn from praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints. I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life; and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.

Elizabeth B. Browning
-Sonnets from the Portuguese

It's St. Valentine's day! I do not particularly celebrate Valentine, nor do my loved ones, but I agree that it is the one day that human, for once in their graciously given 365 days can agree on one occasion to love their fellow and forget how they tend to step on one another (Oh sorry for being so skeptical and depressing on this very lovely day).

Anyway, I especially love this piece, which I think is suitable for expressing what Valentine is about -love- because of its sincere and passionate tone. Saying "I love thee" alone sounds simple but in fact it's not an easy thing to do. In my family, I have never heard my dad say "I love you" to my mom. I reckon that my mom is not that lovey-dovey type and that she does not even consider saying "I love you" as a crucial part of our parent-daughter relationship. However, I do not mean that expressing love has to be through words, as well as through a celebrated (commercial) event like Valentine -it can be in any way. My mom is one of a kind. She transmits her love to my brother and I through her supportive phone calls, constant delivery of vitamins, snacks, frozen food, and many other edible stuffs, and various other things she considers best for us. I know just how much she loves me.

Even if I do not celebrate Valentine, I celebrate its values -the values of love, appreciation, and respect that human should apply everyday, not only on this one specific day. So therefore, instead of sending chocolate to my boyfriend today (which he do not like anyway), I prefer doing things that we both love, which, anyway, have been done practically everyday. I texted my parents and brother too. So for me, it's St. Valentine's day everyday!

Autumn Leaves

My soul longs to dance
to dance the autumn leaves
the autumn leaves in red
red hot fire
fire of the underworld
the underworld that longs
longs for a breeze
breeze of the evening wind
wind that caresses the dreams
the dreams of the earth
the earth for everyone
for everyone to be free
free like the autumn leaves
the autumn leaves that dance

You

Human
You might see the rose
Yet fail to notice the thorns
You might see; stone it was
Yet fail, again
to notice the gem
vivid in your very eyes!
Human
You try to slash the thorns
You try to dust the gem
Yet
The thorns won't come off
The gem won't adhere to the dust
Human
The thorns would bleed
The gem would strike you in the eye
Hilarious
Now in turn
Phony as you always are
Imitative counteraction
Yet
I won't come off
Nor would I adhere to your ways
Fake
Yes
It is you

Hee-haw!

Cracked bones and crushed knees
Thwacked head and punched lips
Knock me down, strike to the core

Hee-haw!
Owe me crown, try no more

You may say

Till sun sets
I'd win the bets

Hee-haw!